The Ghost in the Room

The Ghost in the Room

It seems there’s a ghost in the room. Mom walks into the living room and wants to know where the girl went who was sitting on the sofa a few minutes ago. We had been the only ones in the house all day. But she insists there was a girl sitting next to her on the couch. Today she even shared her sandwich with the little girl. When I said we were the only people in the house, she became agitated and nearly knocked over her water and the tv tray her lunch had been on as she was going to go hunt for the little girl.

We are also dealing with the stranger in the mirror issue more frequently. She walks by a mirror and sees a stranger looking at her and she gets afraid. But she is simply seeing herself. The experts say to remove the mirrors or cover them up.

My latest distraction ploy involves a spa treatment. Mom’s skin is getting very dry. So whenever she pulls the, “I want to go home now” bit, I say “later… right now we need to do a facial to relieve your dry skin.” Then I spend the next 30 minutes rubbing cleansers and moisturizers into her face. The warm washcloths and gentle rubbing often put her in a more relaxed state and she naps. By then it’s time for dinner and the anxiety is relieved.

Everyday she seems to think it is Sunday. She gets up and dressed for church. Then she wants to know if I will take her to church. When I say that I will on Sunday morning but today is Wednesday she is shocked. This happens most every day.  So once a week she gets it right.

I know my experiences are not all that unusual. My cousins are dealing with the same issues with their Mom, my aunt. And millions of caregivers around the world are managing the same problems every day. They may not seem like such big problems, but it is very stressful in the moment. Especially when the terror and anxiety is felt by someone you love. You want to help them overcome the prison in their mind. It changes every day so there is no one answer to the problems. They evolve and you must continue to seek new answers.

I can see the next hurdle approaching. The garbled speech. Already when tired she tries so hard to find the words, but it comes out unrecognizable. Her mind plays so many tricks she doesn’t know what is real and what is a dream. So it’s hard to decipher what she wants to say.

Yesterday she was certain her sister Reggie was taking her out to lunch.  All day she talked about it and I reminded her that Reggie is in North Dakota and we are in Arizona, so she probably can’t make it for lunch today. But over and over she repeated the same story. At one point she walked to the porch with her purse wanting to know where to catch the bus so she could meet Reggie. I suppose it is a blessing that she can’t walk as far as the driveway without help. At least she can’t wander too far. It’s just one of the reasons she needs to be watched 24/7.