Another Stage Has Begun Wednesday November 7, 2012

Another Stage Has Begun Wednesday November 7, 2012

The last few days we have advanced to another stage of this disease. Mom is seeing ghosts or other people everywhere all the time. And she often doesn’t know me and is afraid of me. Her language skills are diminishing with slurred and irrational thoughts. Delusions are a constant. A couple of weeks ago she pulled that stunt of trying to jump out of the moving car. She did it again today. We went to the post office and she was fine with waiting in the car as I ran in to the post office to drop off a package and check my mail box. We do this all the time. But when I returned and started to back out she insisted there was another woman in the post office we needed to wait for and she would not leave until the other woman got in the car. I started to back out and Mom unhooked her seat belt opened her door and had a leg out as I was starting to pull forward. I stopped quick and almost smashed her leg in the door. I yelled for her to get back in until I parked. I re-parked and we had a screaming match as I was so scared she could have been hurt. She insisted there was the other woman in the post office so I said okay let’s go get her. I got her out and we went all through the post office looking for someone who didn’t exist. Finally she was convinced and we returned to the car. But again she didn’t want to go and this time I called my sister who was waiting for us to pick her up. My niece talked to Mom and convinced her to come to their house. I don’t know why she will believe everyone else but not me. I think we have a loss of faith that I am her caregiver and she doesn’t want me to tell her what to do anymore. Maybe I need to call in someone else for her to take a vacation from me. But who?

We went to the bank and Wal-mart with my sister without incident. But when we got home my friend Larry and a worker were building bookshelves in the living room. They had power tools including saws out. Mom seemed to get in the way every time she moved. We tried to get her sitting safely in a chair but she wanted to do the opposite of anything we asked. I yelled at her loudly when she reached to pick up a power saw by the blade! It was an extremely dangerous move and she was angry at me yelling at her like a child – yet she was acting like a child doing dangerous things. My heart was pounding. Even when I yelled at her she continued to try to play with the hot power tools. I physically had to grab her away from the danger.

When I think back her dangerous actions started early in the day today. I went upstairs and got dressed and had a few envelopes to address before we left. When I looked up she had climbed the stairs and was walking toward me. She had a smarty pants grin on her face knowing she wasn’t allowed upstairs and seemed to expect me to react. So instead I told her to sit down and help me with my work. I had her sealing envelopes and rubber banding the stacks. Then I took her into my room as I changed and even put her at my makeup chair to do her chin whisker tweezing and moisturizing and lipstick. As we went down the stairs one at a time I pointed out how dangerous it was for her to climb the stairs alone. And I made a point of how her hip hurt after. She insisted it didn’t hurt. It’s all about making me wrong at every comment. Again I think I need to give her a break from me. I just need to figure out how to do it. I need to find a caregiver to move in for a bit. I put it out to the universe to bring someone to me.