The thought of taking a confused person on a road trip to
California was a bit daunting. I had promised Daddy I would take Mom to see Jo’s
home in Temecula and so we were going. But I decided I needed another person to
help maintain control of Mom. So I invited my 12 year old nephew to come along.
He was very happy to oblige! And he was the best caregiver you could ask for,
at Mom’s arm all the time helping her and carrying what needed to be moved. The
drive over was easy and we made two stops to stretch our legs and get a drink.
The car didn’t need any fuel. The new Toyota Prius hardly used any fuel in town
getting over 45mpg in stop and go traffic even with the air conditioning on!
Out on the highway it made 37mpg.
Arriving at Jo’s home was a bit overwhelming but a happy
reunion. Mom knows Jo still and was happy to see her beautiful home. Although
by evening she insisted we were in someone else’s home and needed to leave.
This is a common thread even in our own home in Glendale. The boys had all gone
to the fireworks at the Pechanga Casino a few blocks away. Mom was confused and
over tired. She was so tired it made her sick and she was vomiting and losing
bladder control all at the same time. After cleaning her up I thought she would
go to bed. But no, her mind played tricks and she gets a guilty feeling she
should not be where she is staying. She thinks the police will come and arrest
her. She believes everyone is lying to her. So she began the fight to leave
even trying to walk out the front door in her night gown and robe. She had Jo
nearly in tears. I’m more accustomed to the battle, but was so sad to see my
sister Jo upset. After several hours of frustrating discussions I managed to
get her into bed. I slept on the floor between her and the door so she wouldn’t
try to leave in the night.
The next morning she was fine. We got dressed and went to
the casino for a couple of hours and Mom was in her element at the poker
machines. She needed Jo’s help pushing the right buttons, but she won $45 right
away and we put away her starting stake of $20. She continued to play off her profit
for a couple of hours. She enjoyed it and we walked slow and she rested
frequently. Then we drove to old town Temecula for shopping and site seeing.
After only a block of walking, it was apparent it was too much for her. The
wood railroad tie like sidewalks were difficult to push the walker over and she
was likely to trip. So Jo brought the car up and we went to the golf country
club for brunch. It was beautiful and we took pictures in front of the lush
waterfalls. Mom really enjoyed her praline waffle with strawberries! The rest
of the day we spent at home relaxing. Jeff made delicious chicken kabobs on the
bbq and we ate on the patio. It was a totally relaxed and comfortable meal. But
somehow it was still too much anxiety and Mom lost her dinner without a bit of
notice. Again we cleaned her up and had her in bed by 7:00pm. That night no
fight. I think she was too exhausted. Still I slept beside her on the floor to
be sure she didn’t wander off.
On Sunday we drove to Irvine to spend a couple of days
with my daughter Julie. The traffic was heavy and construction made the 2 hour drive
take longer, but it was pleasant enough. We were at the Marriott SpringHill Inn
at the John Wayne Airport. It was a nice place. Julie met us and took us out to
Seal Beach to the Beachwood BBQ restaurant for dinner. Her business partner
Brandon joined us and we had a delicious meal. After the meal, Julie took Roger
down to the ocean, while Mom and I sat on a bench across from the pier. Mom got
cold so we went to the car to warm up and drove around looking at the
neighborhood. Knowing she would tire out we headed back to the hotel for an
early night.
Monday was a day of adventure starting with an excellent
activity Julie found for us. We went to Sherman Gardens and Library, a
beautiful botanical garden with easy to walk paths and lots of restful seating.
Mom enjoyed the easy walk, I loved the flora and we put Roger to work taking
hundreds of pictures. A couple of hours were delightfully spent working up an
appetite. So Julie took us to Laguna Beach to Big Fish. We had a great meal
there and found a parking space right next to the beach so Julie and Roger
could swim while Mom and I watched from the bench above. It was a perfect warm
but overcast day. Roger really enjoyed the ocean and made friends who taught
him how to boogie board. Amid such a blissful day, Mom still was experiencing
anxiety over every little thing. She worried about every child in the ocean
going out too far. She worried about the car being parked in someone else’s
space – it was a public paid parking meter that I kept fed. She thought she had
an appointment and someone was missing her somewhere. Every attempt I could
think of to help her stay calm with distraction, music, prayer, stories of our
lives, comment about the beauty around us right that moment… nothing keeps her
calm. It’s like an stormy ocean always brewing in her mind. And I don’t get the
guilt. Is that a Catholic upbringing that makes her worry about being guilty of
something. Even being in someone else’s space; she wanted to leave the public
bench because a gentleman walking his dog might want to sit there. I struck up
a conversation with him about his cutely dressed Chihuahua that yapped
at everyone. I asked if he wanted to sit down and he said no he had been
driving too long and needed to stretch his legs. That finally calmed Mom a bit.
Again we made an early night and Roger went to swim in the pool. Mom worried
about Roger being too young to be at the pool. He was fine. She worried the tv
was too loud and they would throw us out. It was barely audible. She went to
sleep early. When Roger returned he and I played on the computer and some kids
on the floor above were running in the hall. Roger took it on himself to go
upstairs and politely asked the big sister to quiet the children because his
Grandmother was asleep on the floor below. They apologized and quieted down. What
a great kid Roger is! I am so glad I brought him along.
Tuesday we took off for home making a stop in Pasadena to
have lunch with Mom’s sister Josie and her niece, my cousin Lisa. I enjoy
getting to know Lisa again after many years. We share many interests, not the
least of which is handling this terrible disease, Alzeheimers, in both of our
mothers. Josie is two years younger than Mom but her symptoms are more
advanced. I believe she had a more stressful life. But the two sisters sat next
to each other like strangers. Pleasant but without much recognition even when
told, “that’s your sister”. I see they both played with their food, eating a
bit but not sure how to handle it. I know now I should order her simple bite
sized finger food like chicken strips. She doesn’t care what she eats anymore
and flavors have no appeal. There are no cravings. Except maybe for sweets.
Finally we made it home and the next day when I asked how
she enjoyed her trip she asked, “What trip?” She had no memory of any of it. I
put together an album of pictures of her in the various places we went and
still she looks at them without any recall. So maybe the trip was more for me
to fulfill the promise I made to my Father. And for Jo and the boys to see
their Grandmother again. But what it
taught me is that it’s not a good idea to take her on trips. She needs the
stability of the daily routine at home. Even short trips at home can be
stressful. So we will do all we can to keep life peaceful.
