California Vacation

The thought of taking a confused person on a road trip to California was a bit daunting. I had promised Daddy I would take Mom to see Jo’s home in Temecula and so we were going. But I decided I needed another person to help maintain control of Mom. So I invited my 12 year old nephew to come along. He was very happy to oblige! And he was the best caregiver you could ask for, at Mom’s arm all the time helping her and carrying what needed to be moved. The drive over was easy and we made two stops to stretch our legs and get a drink. The car didn’t need any fuel. The new Toyota Prius hardly used any fuel in town getting over 45mpg in stop and go traffic even with the air conditioning on! Out on the highway it made 37mpg.

Arriving at Jo’s home was a bit overwhelming but a happy reunion. Mom knows Jo still and was happy to see her beautiful home. Although by evening she insisted we were in someone else’s home and needed to leave. This is a common thread even in our own home in Glendale. The boys had all gone to the fireworks at the Pechanga Casino a few blocks away. Mom was confused and over tired. She was so tired it made her sick and she was vomiting and losing bladder control all at the same time. After cleaning her up I thought she would go to bed. But no, her mind played tricks and she gets a guilty feeling she should not be where she is staying. She thinks the police will come and arrest her. She believes everyone is lying to her. So she began the fight to leave even trying to walk out the front door in her night gown and robe. She had Jo nearly in tears. I’m more accustomed to the battle, but was so sad to see my sister Jo upset. After several hours of frustrating discussions I managed to get her into bed. I slept on the floor between her and the door so she wouldn’t try to leave in the night.  

The next morning she was fine. We got dressed and went to the casino for a couple of hours and Mom was in her element at the poker machines. She needed Jo’s help pushing the right buttons, but she won $45 right away and we put away her starting stake of $20. She continued to play off her profit for a couple of hours. She enjoyed it and we walked slow and she rested frequently. Then we drove to old town Temecula for shopping and site seeing. After only a block of walking, it was apparent it was too much for her. The wood railroad tie like sidewalks were difficult to push the walker over and she was likely to trip. So Jo brought the car up and we went to the golf country club for brunch. It was beautiful and we took pictures in front of the lush waterfalls. Mom really enjoyed her praline waffle with strawberries! The rest of the day we spent at home relaxing. Jeff made delicious chicken kabobs on the bbq and we ate on the patio. It was a totally relaxed and comfortable meal. But somehow it was still too much anxiety and Mom lost her dinner without a bit of notice. Again we cleaned her up and had her in bed by 7:00pm. That night no fight. I think she was too exhausted. Still I slept beside her on the floor to be sure she didn’t wander off.

On Sunday we drove to Irvine to spend a couple of days with my daughter Julie. The traffic was heavy and construction made the 2 hour drive take longer, but it was pleasant enough. We were at the Marriott SpringHill Inn at the John Wayne Airport. It was a nice place. Julie met us and took us out to Seal Beach to the Beachwood BBQ restaurant for dinner. Her business partner Brandon joined us and we had a delicious meal. After the meal, Julie took Roger down to the ocean, while Mom and I sat on a bench across from the pier. Mom got cold so we went to the car to warm up and drove around looking at the neighborhood. Knowing she would tire out we headed back to the hotel for an early night.

Monday was a day of adventure starting with an excellent activity Julie found for us. We went to Sherman Gardens and Library, a beautiful botanical garden with easy to walk paths and lots of restful seating. Mom enjoyed the easy walk, I loved the flora and we put Roger to work taking hundreds of pictures. A couple of hours were delightfully spent working up an appetite. So Julie took us to Laguna Beach to Big Fish. We had a great meal there and found a parking space right next to the beach so Julie and Roger could swim while Mom and I watched from the bench above. It was a perfect warm but overcast day. Roger really enjoyed the ocean and made friends who taught him how to boogie board. Amid such a blissful day, Mom still was experiencing anxiety over every little thing. She worried about every child in the ocean going out too far. She worried about the car being parked in someone else’s space – it was a public paid parking meter that I kept fed. She thought she had an appointment and someone was missing her somewhere. Every attempt I could think of to help her stay calm with distraction, music, prayer, stories of our lives, comment about the beauty around us right that moment… nothing keeps her calm. It’s like an stormy ocean always brewing in her mind. And I don’t get the guilt. Is that a Catholic upbringing that makes her worry about being guilty of something. Even being in someone else’s space; she wanted to leave the public bench because a gentleman walking his dog might want to sit there. I struck up a conversation with him about his cutely dressed Chihuahua that yapped at everyone. I asked if he wanted to sit down and he said no he had been driving too long and needed to stretch his legs. That finally calmed Mom a bit. Again we made an early night and Roger went to swim in the pool. Mom worried about Roger being too young to be at the pool. He was fine. She worried the tv was too loud and they would throw us out. It was barely audible. She went to sleep early. When Roger returned he and I played on the computer and some kids on the floor above were running in the hall. Roger took it on himself to go upstairs and politely asked the big sister to quiet the children because his Grandmother was asleep on the floor below. They apologized and quieted down. What a great kid Roger is! I am so glad I brought him along.

Tuesday we took off for home making a stop in Pasadena to have lunch with Mom’s sister Josie and her niece, my cousin Lisa. I enjoy getting to know Lisa again after many years. We share many interests, not the least of which is handling this terrible disease, Alzeheimers, in both of our mothers. Josie is two years younger than Mom but her symptoms are more advanced. I believe she had a more stressful life. But the two sisters sat next to each other like strangers. Pleasant but without much recognition even when told, “that’s your sister”. I see they both played with their food, eating a bit but not sure how to handle it. I know now I should order her simple bite sized finger food like chicken strips. She doesn’t care what she eats anymore and flavors have no appeal. There are no cravings. Except maybe for sweets.

Finally we made it home and the next day when I asked how she enjoyed her trip she asked, “What trip?” She had no memory of any of it. I put together an album of pictures of her in the various places we went and still she looks at them without any recall. So maybe the trip was more for me to fulfill the promise I made to my Father. And for Jo and the boys to see their Grandmother again.  But what it taught me is that it’s not a good idea to take her on trips. She needs the stability of the daily routine at home. Even short trips at home can be stressful. So we will do all we can to keep life peaceful.