Urgent Care

Urgent Care Visit August 31, 2012

Some days the anxiety reaches and uncontrollable fevered pitch and today was worse than ever. Her face was red and even her hands were red. I knew her blood pressure was off the charts and this was beyond anything I could control. So I said fine, get in the car. She wanted to go home as usual. But she doesn’t know where home is – it’s just not here. And it doesn’t matter where you are... it is never home.  I told her we needed to stop at Cigna to get her prescriptions. When we got there I said I wanted them to check her blood pressure so we would go into Urgent Care for a quick BP check. Well she would have nothing of that. “You are trying to commit me to a mental hospital!” she said. I went inside and explained the situation to the clerk and was told they could only help if she came in voluntarily. Otherwise I would need to go to the hospital ER. I started back out to the car and she was on her way in and was somewhat cooperative. But her delusions and personality were definitely off. When they checker her BP it was 174/99 and a few minutes later up to 200/140 and then even higher. They ran blood work and urine and a chest x-ray and found nothing wrong. The doctor prescribed a new BP med and suggested it is either the next phase of the Alzheimer’s disease or a hormone imbalance caused by the growing tumor on her adrenals. After 5 hours in the Urgent Care she was tired and willing to go home and to bed.

Hiding Everything

August 27, 2012

It goes hand in hand with the anxiety. Paranoia and delusions. It results in things going missing. She hides everything and many I have yet to find. Mostly it is her purse. She is so convinced someone will steal her purse she hides it every day. The most common place is in her closet hanging from a hanger with several pieces of clothing on top. This weekend it was her makeup. All of her lipsticks have gone missing as well as tweezers. They were in her makeup bag on Friday but gone now. I have searched everywhere. I found other hidden items but not the lipstick and tweezers. I’m also missing Daddy’s wallet with his credit cards and id. I know she hid it somewhere yet to be discovered. When junk mail comes I let her open it and she won’t throw it away. She stuffs it in her wallet or drawers like priceless treasure. Again the I want to go home was a problem. She insists we are in someone else’s home. She was looking uncomfortable and I knew she had to go to the bathroom but she wanted to wait to go home and use her own bathroom. She wouldn’t use the bathroom her at a stranger’s house. Finally I had to get Fred to tell her it was okay to use the bathroom here. Coming from another person she believes it, but not from me. I will really miss Fred living next door when he leaves next month, just as I miss my sister now that she has moved away. We are approaching the most difficult stage of this disease and I am going to be alone to deal with it.  

Stomach Aches

August 26, 2012

Nausea has been a daily occurrence again. Nothing in the diet has changed. We aren’t out in the heat too much although the humidity is higher. I think it is mostly frustration levels seem higher lately. It builds an afternoon acid stomach and that leads to vomiting. I have begun a daily nausea medication that seems to help. I wish I knew why the anxiety gets so bad sometimes. I try to keep the daily routine pretty calm and simple. But even a tv show can create anxiety. She takes on the persona of a tv character and thinks she has their problems. Once she thought she was having a baby and the baby died. She was a wreck. But then she actually experienced that loss, a stillborn baby boy a year after I was born. So maybe it was so close to a memory she was reliving it. I try to monitor the tv keeping mostly Funny videos and light comedy or music. And we are wearing out the photo albums going through them so often. But now she seldom recognizes the people beyond saying they are family. Her favorite is the recent California vacation photo album. She enjoys the pictures of my sister Jo’s home and the dog Kobe. And she enjoys the flower gardens we visited and took so many pictures of beautiful plants. It’s as though she has let go of any emotional attachments to people here in preparation of her departure from this earth. She is more in tune with her mother and father and siblings than any of us still here. Although I love her and want to keep her with me, I hope she doesn’t have to wait too long to be reunited with them in Heaven as that is where she longs to be now.  

A morning Movie

August 24, 2012

Make plans and God laughs is what I always need to remember. We had been planning for a week or more to go to a documentary at a local movie theatre. The tickets had been purchased online and lunch was planned after the early showing. Mom is great about getting dressed and being ready to go, yet when it’s time to head to the car she claims her girlfriends are picking her up and they have other plans. She refused to go with me. We try every type of distraction to no avail. I wasn’t in the best mood having an aching knee already in pain. This on top of it and now running late had me at the end of my rope. I went to the car and started it sending Larry in to try and convince her to come. Finally I stomped into the living room, grabbed her purse, grabbed her cane, pulled her up out of the chair and said she was coming with me. I walked her to the car and buckled her in and she was fine. I don’t know why I think I have to let her have her free will anymore because she is mentally incapable of making decisions.

School at Your Age

August 18, 2012

I’m always up early working at my writing projects. I have three projects in works right now and one is nearing a deadline. The only time it is quiet and free of distractions is before Mom wakes up. So I usually write from 4amto 8am in the morning. I heard Mom get up and go to the bathroom around 6am which is usual. If the house is dark and quiet she usually goes right back to bed for a couple more hours. But this day she was spending a long time in the bathroom sink running water. When I went down to check things out she said she was getting ready for school and was afraid she had missed her bus and would be late. She insisted she went to school in Portland and had to catch the bus to get there. I knew if I tried to argue I would just get her upset. So I just said, but it’s Saturday. You don’t go to school on Saturday. Go back to bed. She was happy with that answer and climbed back to bed for a couple more hours.